Ditari i ndjenjave (gjuhë e huaj - Letersia e huaj)

Me falni nese e kam hap temen ne vend te gabuar, por pasi qe kerkund nuk ka Letersi te huaj e hapa kete teme ketu sepse eshte shum interesante.


Per te perkthyer ne shqip nese nuk dini anglishten shkoni tek www.tetovari.ch

I find myself strangely peaceful . . . and boringly content. But if that is the word of the day, so be it. I think I can deal with it, living for a while with the predictable, while cruelly avoiding any emotional struggle, and taking pleasure in doing that. Some part of me, somewhere (don't know where, forgot where) is probably hating this sadistic detachment, but most of me is delighted (ecstatic would be a highly charged word) to have thrown away, torn appart any remainders of emotional appeal. To that anonymous, nameless, shadowy part of me, I only have one word to say, not that I need to justify myself (or most of myself):
"Surviving......"

I'd like to think that, ..... that part of me will hear the echo of that word, while running away, for the sake of its own survival, but for the sake of mine, I will whisper .... please come back when you become stronger than me! But not just yet, not just yet.

13-03-2005

I am writing a long essay on Socrat and his theories, but my mind is set on other things. Out there, people are screaming and shouting cause they favourite party won the local elections, but that is too distant for me too.
While the clock is ticking and everybody is doing what they have and need to do, I can`t stop thinking about you and what are you doing at the moment...are you brushing your long curly hair? Are you talking to your parents? Are you out...or are you...are you thinking about me as well. Whatever you do...I hope you are happy. That`s my only wish...
Well, I should get back to writing if I want to finish this essay.
For gods sake, who is the moron that invented philosophy?? And why??
Or am I the moron in this case...huh!?
It doesn`t even matter, time is ticking away

14.3.2005



While I have almost mastered my peaceful existence..... there are obviously a few things that can make me shed a tear.....

Someone mentioned my home town today ..... I tried unhumanly not to let it get to me, but the memories were divinely stronger. Hunted, by images of the sea, of its waves gently caressing my soul even when a storm was brewing inside of it.... the image of the most dazzling sunset, stunning away the deepest sorrows.....
The beach, somewhere tender, and elsewhere tense, on edge .... somewhere gracefully taking over the sea, elsewhere struggling as it is being taken over by the infinite blue.... I remember ....... remembering being shaped by this nature's ritual. I was the sand at times, and other times the rock, I lived and breathed in the intensity of it, untill I would get lost in its immensity and find myself all over again.... And I would always find myself, the waves of the blue sea had somehow, never failed to show me the way.....

Untill now, but ...... but that's because I failed them......

While I have almost mastered my peaceful existence ..... there are obviously a few things that can made me shed a tear ....... or a sea of them ....

Beautifully written Patriote

Eight minutes...and i am gone...walking through the pathway that leads to my dorm. The sun shines but i can barely enjoy... this stress i cannot cope. The wormth that i feel, the peacefulness that i hear, fills my heart with bliss whenever i look at the trees, the sky, birds and small squarrels that seem prevalent wherever i walk.

But i do not have time to enjoy it as much as i want...this class i dread,...which it lasts till 10 o'clock...i have to present in front of the class...funny i am stressed for a class which teaches "stress management

Sometimes it seems to me that I have the whole world in my palms, and nevertheless I still feel lonely. I am still wondering why that happens? Why is it that the tiny little meaningless things matter so much?? So much that even a whole world could not replace those tiny little things...(lol tiny little tinies)
I am exhausted these days, I have finished a 30 page long paperwork, and all I want is a loooong rest. But...the dynamic world and the life I live won`t let me have that luxury, so I guess I will either loose my head or get that freaking rest.
Anyways, for this post not to sound all that pathetic, to all of you wherever you are and whatever you do I wish you a very quiet evening or a very peaceful day and let the force be with you

Cheers!

14-03-2005

I'm convinced that a lie is the worst thing that could exist in life. It's the spark that egnites all that is bad. Even though I am conscious of the fact that people are not perfect, even though I know I am not perfect (in fact, far from it), it is still hard for me to grasp why someone would consciously lie to another, or even to his or her self for that matter. I think that even what we call "white" lies are harmful, in fact. We try to justify them, but in the end, I don't think they bring about any good.

If you cannot tell the truth, then do not bother saying anything at all. This is what I believe. This is what I expect from others. Is this too much to expect? I honestly hope not.

15.03.2005

I'm cold, but the sun's rays gliding through the window's curtain seem to slowly warm me. I close my eyes for a few minutes and forget that anything exists. There is only me. Where? It doesn't matter. Just me. And then, I hear a bird singing outside. It sounds really nice. Now it isn't just me. Now it is me and a bird. mmmmmmmm it feels good to listen to the bird. I open my eyes and the rays hit the side of my right eye, when i close them again, I still see the ray, when I open them, the ray is brighter, and then gets brighter, and even more brighter..... I take a deep breath...

16.03.2005

What a good question. Do I dream? I do. Sometimes more than I used to. Other times, less. But despite all the harsh, blinding-bright lights that abruptedly go on, I still dream...

All of a sudden the lyrics of Roy Orbison just came to me:

all
I have to do is drea-ea-ea-m,dream,dream,dream,drea-ea-ea-m
Dream,dream..

It's nice, but somehow I don't agree that that is all that I have to do. There's more....

17.3.2005

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Oh, let me be vain for a moment, I think I have earned that right, to be vain, that is, once in a while....
Spring, after long months of winter that almost never ended, I wore my favorite silk shirt ...... Silk, silk ought to be woman's second best friend (cause the cliche sais diamonds are the first, not that I agree.)
But silk has to be, it does something to a woman. Its weightless presence, is priceless, it's like walking around in a beautiful nakedness that only you can see, can feel. Did the ancient godesses wear silk? They probably did. How else did they tempt the gods, how else did they feel divine?
Ah, silk ... can make vanity an appealing virtue......

On a more serious note, today was my father's day. Called him this morning (one of my favorite rituals) and while I joked about how he is getting a year younger, I thought about how much older I have grown this eighth birthday away from him. Still his baby, though, still.... God, how I miss him!

21.03.2005

I'm listening to Norah Jones: Come Away With Me. This song relaxes me. All I see are stars sparkling during a cool summer night, me on a terrace .... the slight breeze flowing past my face... and the moon smiling down at me........... mmmmmmm............... nice......

good night

21.3.2005

I am in the computer lab right now...taking my 5 minutes break from my 4 hour class...we were discussing about divorce...and this guy next to me said "you got to test the car first" and he literally meant the car but the class took it the other way...so then the whole class started debating, and talking simultaneously...and what did i do...i stayed quiet while rubbing my eyes...and at the moment i thought to put my head on the desk to relax...the bad thing is that i sit at the front

today i got a bad news...i am not going to albania ...tears were poring down my face...i hate when people let me down...oh well next year...at least i will have plenty of money saved.

Today is a beautiful day outside.....
Inside, it is still winter, it would take a much stronger sun to melt down the ice... well ....... don't want it to melt yet. In some strange way, it keeps me worm, and safe.
Have a hangover....... Ah, vodka can be painfully good...

I made somebody smile yesterday, while inside I was tearlessly crying, raging, screaming. Why can't people see beyond the facade? For that matter, why can't I? Don't want to see it, just want to sleep a little longer....... My tearless rages, please be silent, let my soul sleep!

Seasons are changing, winter is pushing its limits, spring fighting back, weak at first, but it's only the beginning.....

I find myself in the crossroad of seasons, thoughts, limits, moments, yet again. While all along, all I ever asked for is constancy, endurance. Or did I?
Once upon a time, there was a little girl, who wanted to live all seasons...... now there is me, who just wants to live.
Where did I loose her? I hope I lost her in some past spring, if only for my sake, so that I don't feel guilty about living the winter a while longer....

I`ll be the cloud up in the sky
I`ll be your shoulder when you cry

It makes no difference who you are, I am your angel!

Great lyrics...who made a whole day complete. Strange how people can enjoy maximum sattisfaction in even so small things like lyrics to a song. Small things make the big and great ones.

Cheers

There are so many things to say..... But I don't feel like saying anything. I like keeping my thoughts to myself and I like going over them. Reorganizing them. Reanalizing them. At least this way I know I will reach some sort of conclusion, or if not a conclusion, at least some sort of hypothesis. If i don't like what I conclude, then I will just re-think it again and observe it from a different angle, perhaps... maybe even the same angle again, only under a different light...I know that this way I won't act until I am sure my thoughts are in tact...

Happiness and Saddness, Tears and Laughter are normal feelings. It's easier to write sad emotions to blow off some steam, while in the other hand there is no use in writting happy emotions because you just live them in the moment. Saddness follows you around like a bad mosquito and it hurts everytime it bites. So, Ermondo leave people at peace because nobody wants your thoughts on how sad or happy you may think someone is.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. Who said this? I don't know. Why should I know? Can't I be the one to say this first. Maybe somebody before me said this and I think sb. did, but if I were born before him I would have said it for sure. I would have said it today. Yes, today. Absolutely

Once there was a sunshine
That lightened up my life
He spoke to me in sweet words
Making my heart alive
He's eyes where full of passion; but deep inside was pain
He knew our love would'nt last....
The distance took it all
And loosing you is harder than it seems....

l'essere umano, la creazione nella quale la natura ha dato il suo meglio. in superficie una macchina complicata ma curata nei minimi dettagli che sfuggono anche ai sistemi di rilevazione più ingegnosi. di straordinaria intelligenza e sapienza, a tal punto da riuscire lui stesso a sfidare la madre creatrice. sembra invincibile a prima vista questa strana creatura, eppure può bastare un niente, una parola di troppo per far crollare tutto quello che lo sorreggeva in quel momento. è tutto così paradossale in lui...egli può superare terre, mari e cieli...tempeste e uragani...guerre e carestie delle più spietate...ma fateci caso solo per un attimo, mentre sorregge un bicchiere o una penna e ad un certo punto l'oggetto rischia di sfuggirgli di mano...cosa fa l'uomo? chiude gli occhi, e si paralizza...certo egli può provare a riafferrare l'oggetto perduto facendo dei movimenti a scatti, ma gli occhi rimangono sempre chiusi in quel millesimo di secondo, non ce la fa proprio ad affrontare la caduta ad occhi aperti. e tutto questo per un semplice oggetto insignificante, eppure la primissima reazione è la chiusura, come un riccio che subito si chiude a palla appena gli vengono toccati gli aculei. eccovi allora di fronte alla sua fragilità, svelata dalla semplice caduta di una penna... e se le cose stanno così, essendo tanto facile fargli del male, non è meglio forse essere cauti nelle cose che si fanno e si dicono ai nostri simili? sarebbe davvero triste e inumano agire diversamente.

raccontami a. tu lo sai che a me puoi dire tutto. non temere di essere giudicato da me, il tuo cuore è parte del mio. qual è la causa del tuo tormento? cosa ti fa soffrire? ti prego non tenerti tutto dentro. è forse qualcosa che non puoi dirmi o che io non posso sapere, o peggio ancora che neanche tu sai cos'è? perché la realtà diventa a volte così opprimente per te? da cosa fuggi? ah se solo riuscissi a trovarla la causa, te la strapperei per sempre di dosso e la butterei via...lontano...riempirei ciò che rimane solo con il mio amore. io tento, ci provo con tutte le mie forze a. , ma non ce l'ho questo potere, non ce l'ho davvero. ce la devi fare da solo. a volte penso, sarà forse la maledizione di voi artisti, la pena che dovete scontare per il talento che vi è stato donato? è così ingiusto però, tu potresti essere molto più felice di quanto lo sei ora..è come se indossassi un paio di scarpe bellissime ma con un sassolino dentro, un sassolino piccolo che sembra insignificante, ma che da un fastidio enorme appena incominci a camminare...e ti sembra ti averlo buttato, ma quello è sempre lì ad angustiarti ogni volta che tenti di fare un passo nuovo. e allora butta via quelle scarpe a. , cammina scalzo e libero, non avere paura di farti male. coraggio.

Listening to the foolish thoughts that cross this head of mine, when is just 12:29 AM and I still have to wait 'till 6:30 AM to be awake.
It is that ever since I have known of your existence, I don’t know why you have taken a place in my life; that if I drive the thought of you out of my mind, it always comes back. Thinking that after getting the bitter part of you first, would help somehow … anyhow to keep you just where you were … what a fool. Now that I know all that is strange of you, in you … you’ve become a necessity in my life, and you will drive me mad, not only if you don’t love me … but if you will not let me love you at least.
But what a foolish creature you are!
You will never understand that I will never write something for you … and yet here I am writing about you … like you will ever read this. So now I’ll just get back on that part of me driving away from you, to return some other time to this one that just can’t get enough of you.

I feel lost … as if I’m choking. I need an aspirin … hammering sound, music of some sort. Was it me that felt from the couch or the couch felt on me?! I thought I had an aspirin in my pocket … oh these damn mentos.

Jeez and I still have the burning feeling of the soap that got into my eye last night … mad red. Is my journalism teacher still talking?! Buddy don’t you get tired … I can still hear his voice in my head fighting against the … wait what is it … oh the noisy subway tracks, that’s where I’m at … am I?!

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Seriously … who was the jackass that wrote all this, and like it wasn’t enough even made it part of the Bible?!

I’m out!

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly,
what is essential is invisible to the eye.

"On the gibbet thou canst say it,
But on the pulpit thou canst not say it"
M.I.